http://scarsdale.patch.com/articles/prescription-friendship

Do you have a close friend? Someone you can talk to about the good and bad parts of your life? Is life better if you have close friends? 

Good questions, don’t you think?

Lots of us move around. It seems about 75 percent of Americans pull up roots and move every five years or so.

Someone told me recently that people often move to Scarsdale when they have young children because the schools are so good and then, they move away when the kids graduate because the taxes are so high. That means a lot of us are facing transitions.

When we load up the moving truck, we don’t get to pack our friends and take them along. No, we have to say goodbye and start over in our new community. There are lots of good ways to stay in touch, especially with today’s technological advances, but the reality is, we say goodbye and things change.

Recent studies show the numbers of Americans who admit they do NOT have someone close enough to talk to about important things is increasing. We are getting more isolated socially when it comes to friendships and confidants. 

Is it worth trying to make new friends and stay in touch with old friends? 

I’ll give it to you straight—the answer is a resounding YES.

Social scientists say friendship produces these attractive benefits:

• Healthier brains
• Longer life
• Faster recovery from illness
• Lower stress levels
• Slower aging process
• Fewer colds
• Improved mental and emotional wellbeing

I believe all that, but let me put it in words that don’t sound quite so much like research results. I’ve been asking people about their friendships and here’s some of the comments I've heard from women, men and even kids.

--When I’m with my best friend, we usually end up laughing together until our sides hurt.

--My best friend has forgiven me for something I did to him, and we have an even deeper connection now.

--I don’t like going to the doctor alone for my cancer treatments, but when my friend comes along, it isn’t as scary. 

-- My best friend doesn’t live near me, but we know each other always, no matter when the last time we were together.

--I know my friend is going to be there for me, no matter how bad my day was…and I can trust them with that bad day.

I’ve been married to my best friend for 7 years.  Sure, we have lots of things we disagree on, but life is full because we have each other.

 Studies are pretty clear that, whether you are a man or a woman, young or old, having at least one close friend will improve your life in more than one way.

I found one study, done by the University of Virginia especially intriguing. The researchers brought subjects to the base of a hill, had the subjects look up at the hill and estimate how steep the hill was. The research project compared people who stood alone at the hill to people who stood with one of their friends at the hill. Guess what? People who stood looking up at a steep hill with a friend perceived the hill to be less steep. Fascinating results!

 To me, this research indicates that with friends, we can better face the hills in our lives.

Today, I’m grateful for friends!

http://scarsdale.patch.com/articles/free-but-with-high-value

Have you seen those Family Circus cartoons where Bil Keane shows the meandering path of Billy and Dolly having a multitude of adventures throughout the neighborhood or house? It’s kind of like a family Cirque du Soleil with dotted lines showing all the acrobatic twists and turns.  

Billy and his siblings know how to play. It seems they spend time doing it every day.

How much time do your children get to play like Billy?

 I often hear comments around Scarsdale and Edgemont that indicate our kids are overscheduled. We live in a community where achievement, even among the young, is highly valued. Achievement can mean lessons, tutoring and intense schedules. Focus on achievement is one of the reasons our community turns out so many outstanding young adults.

But how much time do your children get to play like Bil Keane’s characters? If play were a subject, would they get high achievement marks? I’m talking about free play, that unstructured, child-engineered, open-ended kind of time that many of us remember from our own childhoods when Mom or Dad said, “Go outside now, and play.”

Focus on free play is making a resurgence, and with good reason.

You might groan,“What, you mean, I have to worry about scheduling yet another thing for my child so he/she can be successful?! How am I going to fit that in?” But before you say that, I suggest we take a step back and simply take a look at the value of free play.

If free play was a business, their glossy ad might read like this:

“Want to boost your child’s competitive skills?

Looking to help your child succeed academically and make friends?

Want to ensure your child learns respect, cooperation, and creativity?

TRY FREE PLAY, an easy daily regimen that will delight your child. 

Guaranteed positive results, unmatched by others.

Play helps kids develop skills they can’t get anywhere else.

Free Play is best. Call today for details.”

Sometimes, advertising claims are exaggerated. These claims aren't. Free play is that important!

Most parents trust the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP). Here’s what the AAP advises pediatricians to tell parents about the value of free play:

• Pediatricians can promote free play as a healthy, essential part of childhood. They should recommend that all children are afforded ample, unscheduled, independent, non-screen time to be creative, reflect and decompress. They should emphasize that although parents can certainly monitor play for safety, a large proportion of play should be child-driven rather than adult-directed.
• Pediatricians should emphasize the advantages of active play and discourage parents from the overuse of passive entertainment (e.g., television and computer games).
• Pediatricians should emphasize that active, child-centered play is a time-tested way of producing healthy, fit young bodies.
• Pediatricians can educate families regarding the protective assets and increased resiliency developed through free play and some unscheduled time.
• Pediatricians can reinforce that parents who share unscheduled spontaneous time with their children and play with their children are being wonderfully supportive, nurturing, and productive. 

http://www.aap.org/pressroom/playfinal.pdf

Did you know that the United Nations Higher Commission for Human Rights has declared play is the right of every child?

This right to play was declared largely as a reaction to child labor practices. Our concern in affluent American neighborhoods such as Scarsdale is not that we are putting our kids to work in the coal mines or sewing factories. We have a different set of issues that make it difficult to ensure that children get enough time for spontaneous child-directed play. 

We’re simply too busy doing something else!

As you make summer plans for your family, why not consider scheduling plenty of free time for play? Put it on the calendar to ensure it happens! With nicer weather, bring back the outdoor world of childhood play. Let your child play in a free form, unstructured way on their own, and also with other children. That’s play away from video games, television screens and the Wii. 

Did you catch AAP’s focus on how free play helps kids be more resilient? I recently heard a pediatrician say today’s highly scheduled kids are showing up in doctor’s offices with high incidents of anxiety, stress and depression. Play helps protect against those by increasing protective assets that both kids and adults need to do well in life. 

So why not play together with your children each week as well? Schedule time to go to a playground together, take a walk in one of our great nature parks or make up a puppet show or silly game. Let your child guide the play and follow along. Laugh together. Spend time together with no agenda. Build cherished memories of love and affection shared through play.

It might take a while to get the hang of this if it’s not your usual pattern. Be patient.  Relax and enjoy playing together this summer. Free play comes naturally when you let it unfold.

It will be good for the whole family.

When is the last time you walked 10 miles?
Err….have you EVER walked 10 miles? 

From http://scarsdale.patch.com/articles/e-motion-get-inspired

When a 90 year old person suggests you “take a walk together” the image that comes up for me is this:  a painfully slow amble down a hallway while holding his/her arm en route to the dining room of a nursing home.

Well, try this image on for size:  a ten mile walk from Scarsdale up to the Kensico Dam AND BACK with only two rest stops!  That’s about 20,000 steps and 3-4 hours straight of walking, at a pretty good clip.

Well, Gil Erskine, age 90, did just that last Saturday, along with about 30 others from our community.  He’s at the front of the pack in the above photo, striding out with his walking poles and a huge grin.  And, yes, he’s really 90 years old.  Just so you know, I saw him the day after the walk and he was alive and kicking, still wearing the huge grin.  Way to go, Gil.  And, way to go, to all the other walkers too!

Gil started this walk after hearing his pastor challenge the congregation to “Uncover your mission in life!”  His first thought (then age 89), was, “Well, I guess he’s not talking to me today, I’m too old to have a mission to uncover yet in this life.”  And then, listening further he heard this:  “Everyone has a mission, large or small, young or old.  Find your mission in life by uncovering your passion in life.”

Gil thought, “I like to walk!  And, I like to raise money for good causes!” 

So, he crafted the idea of a hike that would raise money for our local faith communities.  He would invite people from the different houses of worship to sign on, get sponsored, and take a long walk together.  Getting to know each other and become friends, despite differences, would be a natural bonus outcome. 

For the next year he worked closely with community leaders to plan the event.   He organized a trial run followed by the real deal later in 2010.   And then, last Saturday, he led the second annual hike.  He wasn’t sure he would be able to finish it this year.  After all, he is 90!  But finish he did, all ten miles!

We hear a lot about military missions, aerospace missions, business mission statements, etc.  I like hearing about one person’s mission and what was accomplished.  When we put our minds to something that is important to us and work hard, we can accomplish amazing things.  Last year the hike raised $9000  for our local faith communities!  That money funded important projects to help  many people. 

The numbers aren’t in yet this year, but there’s a good chance it’s even higher.  But, it’s not all about money.  Every walker I talked to last Saturday reported feeling good about joining the hike.  Lots of them talked about how great it was to have different faith communities do something together and share a common goal.   New friends were made.   Our community is a better place because of this hike.

Passion:  An unflagging and energetic pursuit of an aim; lively eager interest

Mission:  A task that you consider to be an important duty; a strong inner impulse towards something.

I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty inspired.  Makes me think about my life and what I’m doing.  And what I COULD be doing, right now at this age—AND when I’m older, like Gil!   It galvanizes me to craft goals, both big and small, and go after them with gusto.  It encourages me to remember how important it is to connect my passions in life with my goals. 

I posted about the Hike on Facebook, and got responses from California to Canada telling me they were inspired too. 

How about you? 

 

 

 

 Have the events of the past week shaken you up?

How do we keep our balance when life suddenly shifts?
Published on Scardale Patch
http://scarsdale.patch.com/articles/better-balance

It’s easy to get caught up in the details of everyday life.  Children clamor for attention, meals need preparation, work requires focus and, heh, it’s Monday again.  How does time go by so quickly? 

And then, in the midst of such details we hear the news that over 300 people perished in a swath of deadly tornadoes.  We see pictures of shredded homes and indeed, entire communities suddenly destroyed.     One day it’s life as usual and the next it’s life as we’ve never known it.  It is events like these that make us stop and reflect on the bigger picture of life.

We can’t really prepare for such tragedy.  Nor would it be healthy to live waiting for such a natural disaster.    So, how do we keep our balance when this kind of news hits us hard?

One thing we can do is evaluate our lives and try to live as fully as possible.  (That, and help support the victims of disaster, of course.)  Here are five simple but profound ways to add better balance to your life, whether you are a child, teen or adult.  They are all free.  They are all available to people regardless of education or vocation.  And, they work!  Add them to the mix of each day and you will have a healthier life with better balance.

GIVE THANKS.

  A joyful heart is good medicine according to a famous proverb.  Living our lives with an attitude of gratitude is a way to ensure a steady stream of joy.  If you find yourself in a grouchy place, stop, and consider what you have to be thankful for.  There is always a situation that could be worse.
"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow." --Melody Beattie

SHARE THE BEST OF YOU.

Some people shine as amazing examples for others.  The American Red Cross in Westchester County is actually looking for these kinds of heroes right now to honor at their annual event called A Community of Heroes.   They are looking for people of outstanding courage, kindness, and unselfish character who have done something to make Westchester County a better place for the rest of us.  I’m sure it will be a stellar event honoring some incredible people.  Not everyone has that kind of sparkle.  But, I believe everyone has good things about themselves to share with others.  Whether your sparkle is huge or just a spark, share it!    Remember the phrase, “Play it forward?”  How about “Put your best foot forward?”  Both of these embody the idea that it is good to share the best parts of ourselves.

STAND UP FOR WHAT IS RIGHT.

Mark Twain put it this way:  “Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.”  I like that quote and can’t say it better.

 

GIVE and GET SUPPORT.

Young children are naturals at getting support.  You know it from their plaintive cries or tugging at your arm that they need something.  We usually grow out of this type of asking.  But who doesn’t need some support even when older?  We all benefit from a natural giving and receiving of support.  It’s really about sharing.  Support comes in many ways.  Right now the folks whose homes were wrecked by tornadoes need our support.   “Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have a potential to turn a life around.   It's overwhelming to consider the continuous opportunities there are to make our love felt.”—Leo F. Buscaglia

BELONG

In a culture that features being independent, it is easy to lose track of how important relatedness is.  We are connected as human beings to each other.  We exist in webs of family and friends.  We have networks and communities.  Deepening out connections increases our sense of belonging.  And that creates better balance, for both the good times and the hard times.