Category: Habits

How to be Crankier

3/23/2015

I'm a big advocate of putting the cell phone away when you are with those you love and care about. Cell phones are great--and important these days, but can get in the way of things we really want in our lives. Things like

good connecting with our kids and partners
quality time together
feeling special to someone
showing others you love them

The reality is we show and grow these things most of all by our behavior--what we DO. It's what we DO that matters as much, and oftentimes more, far more, than what we SAY.

Research from Boston Medical Center came out this month and shows that, not only are we missing time and connection opportunities when we are on our phones, our attitudes are impacted in negative ways! Basically, the study showed that parents become irritable and crankier with their kids when using a cell phone. The "distracting allure" of the phone takes over and makes you crankier when interrupted by your child. That's a wake up call!

If that's true for parents and children, how about partners and spouses
The article is here:

http://time.com/14953/parents-who-use-smartphones-in-front-of-their-kids-are-crankier/?xid=fbshare

I'm really glad I read it. It's made me think--and work to change some of my cell phone habits when I'm with those I love and care about most. You might want to read and share it too!

Have you had any Wild Ideas Lately?

4/13/2011

Published on Scarsdale Patch: http://patch.com/A-g95B

Signs of spring are transforming our landscape.
How can we bring new color to our lives?

Does your sweetheart ask you what you want for your birthday? I love the answer 80-year-old Joanna Semel Rose gave her husband this year. Mrs. Rose, art collector, well known philanthropist, and former chairperson of the Partisan Review, admitted she had a “wild idea” for her birthday gift. She wanted to see all of her red and white quilts at the same time, and invite everyone in the New York City area to see them too, as her guests. Isn’t that an interesting tango--a gift for the birthday girl as well as from her?

Turns out, Joanna Rose has 651 of these red and white quilts!   Thinc Design and the American Folk Art Museum, turned Joanna’s wild idea into a phenomenal exhibition at the Park Avenue Armory. Check it out here: http://www.folkartmuseum.org/infinitevariety.

Have you had any wild ideas lately? Something unlikely, abit out there, something out of the box? Wild ideas usually take us out of our comfort zone. That can be scary. Most of us like what is familiar. Familiar means easy. Routine. Convenient, especially when our lives are so busy. We are creatures of habit.

But, there can be such a thing as too much routine. Sometimes our comfort zones turn into stuck places or potholes. We might stay in an unhealthy job or bad relationship, just because it is familiar. We might keep a troublesome habit going.   We might repeat patterns in a relationship over and over (like nagging or complaining) even though it is destructive.

Maybe you are in one of those potholes of life, and want to get out of the rut. We can create change in life. This is change we plan, not just react to.

Why initiate change? Why consider stepping into a wild idea now and then? Because change produces growth. And growth in our lives is a great thing. Growth can enhance our relationships and sense of who we are. Benjamin Franklin described change this way, “Without continual growth and progress, such words as improvement, achievement, and success have no meaning.”

Experiencing positive change is like watching tight bud unfold into a lovely blossom. Growth can make our lives more satisfying and beautiful. No matter how old we are, we can still grow. Even small change over time can make a dramatic difference.   In fact, as a therapist, I often counsel people to work on making small changes that they can keep in place rather than tackling a huge change that is overwhelming.

We can make positive change in many areas:

·        Relationships

·        Motivation

·        Perception and attitudes

·        Habits

·        Goals and plans

A little aside is in order: when I suggest acting on a wild idea, I’m not talking about doing something destructive to yourself or to your family. If speeding 100 miles an hour, stepping out on your spouse or spending beyond your means comes to mind, well, let your thinking shift to another direction. Joanna Rose’s wild idea was something that pleased her and benefited others. Go in a positive direction, okay?

Change brings us to new places. The unknown is scary. Stepping outside our comfort zones creates tension. We often fear loss when we consider change. Even when we start to change, we often feel like we should change back. Others might want us to change back so things can be the same again. Being aware of this tension helps you get past it rather than stuck in it. Expect a mix of feelings. Line up support when you make a significant change. Keep the big picture in mind to help you get through each step in the process.

Oh, and, Happy 80th, Joanna! Thanks for your wild idea!

Step Into Spring

3/24/2011

Reprinted from Scarsdale Patch
E-motion weekly article by Tamera Schreur
http://scarsdale.patch.com/articles/e-motion-step-into-spring

“Spring is when you feel like whistling even with a shoe full of slush.”--Doug Larson

The first thing I do when I wake up is look outside to greet the new day. The large white flakes that returned my greeting on Monday were actually quite lovely. But “lovely” was not my first thought when I looked out and saw everything white.

In December, it might have been. But not in mid-March. Nope. I actually felt slightly outraged! Snow! How dare it snow the first week of spring here in Scarsdale?! We’ve had a tough winter, and while it was sunny enough to enjoy biking yesterday, why is it snowing again?!

You see, I’d already diagnosed myself with a severe case of spring fever, and this late snowfall wasn’t fitting in with my treatment plan.

Huckleberry Finn gives one of my favorite descriptions of this seasonal malady. He said, “It’s spring fever. That is what the name of it is. And when you’ve got it, you want–oh, you don’t quite know what it is you DO want, but it just fairly makes your heart ache, you want it so! It seems to you that mainly what you want is to get away; get away from the same old tedious things you’re so used to seeing and so tired of, and set something new. That is the idea….”

So, what did I do after seeing the snow? I decided quickly to go out with my camera and grab some cool pictures of crocuses peeking through the snow. It took me all of five minutes, even with juggling an umbrella and camera. My mood improved. I even got excited seeing the tenacity of these spring flowers. You can see my favorite photo at the top of this article.

Spring is a great time to jump into new things. New clothes and new shoes are popular. I hear that bell bottoms and clogs are going to be “in.” What we put on can certainly impact how we feel about ourselves. New stuff can give a pleasant boost in the face of late winter doldrums.

Do you want a bigger boost than what is offered by new clothes? How about trying on a new habit for spring? How can you get a jump forward and “set something new,” like Huck Finn suggests, in your life?

Well, pick something and get started. But pick something small and manageable. Make it a small step that fits with where you are right now in your life. You know your life best.

What is out of balance? What could use more attention? What could create more positive moods? People are really good at devising grand schemes for improving their lives. And then the big plan gets sabotaged. Simple small steps more often produce success. So choose something small but specific.

Here’s a few examples from friends.

This spring, I’m walking home from the train station at least once a week. I’m already feeling better.
I’m taking one minute to start and end each day giving thanks for something specific. I’m finding I’m even sleeping better.
I’m making my first words to my spouse after work positive ones instead of my usual complaining about what went wrong with the day. We both like this better!
I’m buying baby carrots to snack on instead of peanuts.
I’m asking friends, “How are you doing?” And then I’m trying to really listen to their answer.
I’m stopping to let pedestrians cross in front of my car and enjoying seeing how surprised (and grateful) they are. It makes me feel good.
I’m trying to read a book I enjoy each month. And then talk about it with someone.
I’m giving more compliments, even though sometimes they’re hard to come up with.
I’m remembering to take deep breaths and relax my shoulders to calm down when I’m getting upset at my co-workers or kids.

New habits don’t come into being fully formed. They take time to learn and develop. They are more like the crocus we see unfurling all around town. First, you see small green shoots. Then, a speck of brilliant color. And finally, the blossom turns open to the sun. Even when there is snow. So, be patient as you learn a new step. Did you know it takes about 21 days for a habit to become a natural part of our routines?

I’m curious to hear what step you pick! Let me know how it goes.

How to be Crankier

Have you had any Wild Ideas Lately?

Step Into Spring

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