V.
Value.  You chose the person you are with for good reasons.  Consider how valuable your Valentine is to you.  Do you watch the stock market each day to check your investment values?  Don’t let a day go by without telling or showing your Valentine that you value him/her.  Keep the bigger picture of value in mind when you are upset over small things.  And remember, relationships are investments that grow in value as they mature.

A.
Appreciate and Apologize.   These two words make a nice relationship “handshake” of sorts.  Find ways look for the positive.  It is easy to get caught up in life’s daily distractions that annoy us, including things our partner might do (or not do).  Stay positive and be grateful for the things that are good in your relationship. Apologize when you do something that hurts or bothers your partner.  Do it right away, even if you are also feeling hurt yourself.   Every couple has some areas that are stronger than others.  Appreciating and apologizing go a long way in keeping relationships strong and healthy.

L. 
Love.  Love is a verb, as well as a noun.  Keeping love alive in your relationship means action.  Find ways, large and small, in which to show and grow your love each day.  Investigate what your partner likes.  It may be different than what you like.  Be faithful in loving.

E.
Evaluate.  That’s right, take time now and then to evaluate together how things are going in your relationship.  Address areas that need improvements, celebrate progress made.  Hint:  plan the evaluation for a time that is going well, don’t do it during the midst of an argument.

N.
Notice.  Couples that are together for a while can get so used to each other, they lose track of the romance of noticing.  Greet each other warmly upon arriving and before leaving.  Take time to look, really look, into each other’s eyes and smile.  Notice the positive things about your partner and keep quiet about as many of the negative things as you can.  We are all human and have both strengths and weaknesses that show up in relationships.  It will do wonders for your romantic life.

T.
Thank.  Find something to thank your partner for each day.  It can be the everyday things, like, “…thank you for following the sanitation schedule and taking out the garbage and recyclables!”  Or, it can be a character thank you, like, “…thank you for showing your thoughtfulness by giving me space to unwind when you know I had a hard day.”  People appreciate being thanked.  When you focus on what you are thankful for, you focus less on what you might be critical about.

I.
Invigorate.  Now and then, find a way to energize and invigorate your relationship in ways different than your usual routine.  Do something special.  Go somewhere different.  Plan something big or creative.  Write a love note.  Craft a surprise.  It doesn’t have to be expensive.  In fact, often the no cost things that require time and effort are most appreciated and remembered.  Get to know your partner and let him/her get to know you in deeper ways.

N.
Neck.   At least, that’s what my parents used to call huggin’ n kissin’!  Connecting in physical and sexual ways bring enjoyment and renewal.   Take regular time to be together in intimate ways.  Prioritize couple time in your schedule, even if you have small children.   And, here’s a simple tip for each day:   Do you give your partner a quick goodbye or hello kiss when coming home or going out the door?  Add a few lingering seconds to those kisses.  It’s a simple sweet thing that says, “I love you.  You are important to me.”

E.
Enjoy.  You know those shirts with the slogan, Life is good?  Most of the people I see wearing them are also wearing smiles.  Having a close relationship with someone is a beautiful thing.  It is precious.  If you are in a committed relationship-enjoy it! 

Reprinted from Scarsdale Patch
E-motion weekly column by Tamera Schreur

http://scarsdale.patch.com/articles/pot-of-gold-at-the-oscars

Ready for blue skies? Read on for a life lesson taught by a group of fifth graders that will brighten any day.

I’m quite taken by the unstoppable kids from PS 22 in Staten Island. They received the final applause at the Academy Awards Ceremony on Monday evening with their expressive rendition of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" from the 1939 movie "The Wizard of Oz." Here they were, fifth graders from a public school in Staten aweing that star-studded audience. There are some outstanding singers in the group, like there are right here in our schools, but what is sky rocketing this group to such fame?  New York magazine called them “the best known elementary school chorus on the planet.” If you missed seeing them, plug "PS 22 choir Oscars" into a search engine right now! 

We can’t ignore the power of going viral.  The Internet has certainly worked its magic for them. They also have a great leader. Gregg Breinberg, or Mr. B as he’s affectionately called, is an outstanding choral director. But setting these things aside, I have to ask, what is making them a sensation? What prompted all those high fives from Anne Hathaway? Why do people love them so much? 

It seems to me it’s how they are in touch with their feelings. They’re alive, vigorous, exuberant, tender, raw, soulful, earnest and passionate. I could keep going with adjectives that we don’t often use to describe fifth grade singers. Being authentic with feelings makes these kids’ singing alive and vigorous. If you watch a few more clips of them online you’ll see they have an incredible emotional range. Mr. B calls them “fully expressed.”  I think it’s their pot of gold. And it shines brightly. 

These are kids who haven’t had many rainbows in their lives. Statistics about the school show that many of the students come from struggling families. Nearly 70 percent qualify for lunch assistance. “There are kids who come from places where I wish I could just physically move them somewhere else,” Breinberg says. Many of the children in the chorus have seen a lot of difficulties in their ten or eleven years of life. And yet, they are the ones who walked the red carpet this week. Some of them even got to hold one of the coveted gold Oscars. 

These kids and this teacher are inspiring. I’m sure their success promotes keeping arts as an integral part of the public school curriculums. They can prompt all of us to work hard and follow our dreams. But, if I may, I’d like to suggest we let these kids inspire us to get more in touch with our feelings and express them in healthy ways. 

Mr. B tells the kids, “Don’t fake it, you should feel it.” 

Learn to recognize your feelings and express them in healthy ways.  The basic ones are Sad, Mad, Glad and Afraid.  But we can add nuance with others like satisfied, relaxed, tender, rebellious, determined, optimistic, hesitant, humiliated, mournful or frisky. Work to expand your feeling vocabulary. 

Take a few moments throughout the day to do a "feelings check." Sit or stand quietly, take a few slow breaths. Notice what is inside you. Focus on how different parts of your body feel. Turn your attention inward. Ask yourself how you are feeling and notice what comes to mind. Let your feelings be just as they are. You might readily know how your feelings connect to things going on in your life. You might not. That’s ok.

Some feelings are pleasant and easy to feel. Others are unpleasant and tough. Some feelings make us want to lash out or do something we’ll later regret. We can learn how to control our responses to our feelings rather than be controlled by the feeling. Teaching our children and teens this  skill is also important. We can find healthy ways to express our feelings, like making music! Life and relationships are fuller when we have, like the PS 22 chorus kids, an incredible emotional range.

The blog site Breinberg set up for his choir headlines this quote: “When you do what you love, things can happen for you.” That’s pretty good advice for all of us. What rainbows and blue sky might be waiting for us if we embrace our feeling as fully as Mr. B and the PS 22 kid’s choir? 

Article reprinted from PATCH Scarsdale, NY in Tamera Schreur's weekly
E-motion column
http://scarsdale.patch.com/articles/better-than-chocolate#photo-954721


What does she really want? Can I make him happy this year? What gift will delight her? Tension can arise both before the special day, as well as on Valentine’s Day if expectations – especially those not expressed out loud – are not met.



Finding the best gift for Valentine’s Day can be an elusive task.

What does she really want? Can I make him happy this year? What gift will delight her?  Tension can arise both before the special day, as well as on Valentine’s Day if expectations – especially those not expressed out loud – are not met.

“The Office,” a popular TV show that focuses on relationships, has a hilarious Feb. 14th episode where Phyllis gets everything she wants and more, including a six-foot teddy bear, while Pam sits stewing over the lack of even one gift from her boyfriend. Sure, most people like a nice gift, but what makes us really happy? Does giving a spectacular surprise on Valentine’s Day ensure happiness for you and your partner? 

 Believe it or not, people do study such things and the findings might not be popular at the confectionary or florist.  In their April 2010 article “Eavesdropping on Happiness,” researchers at the University of Arizona  found that one of the best gifts you can give is free. Yup, free.

What the researchers found is a link between happiness and spending time in deep conversation. Put simply, the researchers found that people who spend more time with others and more time in deep conversations have happier lives.  

The happiest participants had one third less small talk and twice as many substantive conversations. They indulged in deep conversation, not just chitchat consisting of phrases like “What’s for dinner tonight?” or “Are you going to pick up the kids, or should I?”

They shared richer, more meaningful information. You might compare it to a diet of humdrum snacks versus a diet that includes tantalizing gourmet food. Which sounds better to you? The researchers concluded that “people find their lives more worth living when examined—at least when examined together.”

So, back to Valentine’s Day. I’ve never seen this on a top ten list of best Valentine’s gifts to give, but wouldn’t it be sweet to give “Talk Coupons” for enticing talks together?

If this sounds too foreign for you or your partner’s taste, blend such a gift into a Valentine’s Dinner by including a few enriching questions while you’re having that special dinner. (Be ready for your partner to be surprised if your usual talk is primarily of the “lite” sort!) And then do it again next week, and the week after – you get the picture. 

It seems to be built into us to want to connect deeply with others. This does take work, though.  Work we often don’t prioritize.  It’s far too easy to get into daily patterns that leave little space for this. Juggling jobs, schedules and family is demanding. But don’t we all want to be happy? And don’t we want to have happy partners and families?  

So, try moving your conversation style up from snack level to gourmet! Make it a habit, just like other things that become part of your regular routine. Here are a few conversation appetizers to get you started: 

• If we could get out of winter and go someplace fun, where would it be?
• What things are important to you in creating a romantic evening?
• What things in life give you the most joy?
• What is the best way for me to encourage you?
• When do you feel the most loved?

Talk together more. Talk together deeply. Talk together often. Try it, and then let me know -- what do you think? Is it better than chocolate?